Archive for February, 2008

So my wife is growing a penis
February 23, 2008

That’s right, we’ve created a boy and we’ve chosen a name. We’re calling him Jethro.

Yes yes. I know about a band called Jethro Tull. Some believe this link will open the doors for future ridicule from Jethro’s peer group. I fail to see how exactly, but that’s probably just because of a lack of imagination on my part. Having a mundane or common name doesn’t help prevent ridicule though, but I will concede that having a really awful name might increase your probability of harassment.

There is an argument proposed by certain individuals that a character-building name is desirable. Something like Dagbolt or Mumphred to really draw in those barbed comments. Those suggestions come from the very same quarter as the reservations with respect to Jethro. In other words, they advocate extreme character building, but not partial character building. They clearly feel that a name like Jethro will build character in the individual, but not enough character to make it worthwhile.

Another suggestion was Dipshit. Pretty soon the boy will become completely immune to any type of insult because his name is an insult, but I’m sure there are laws against giving your child a name like that.

Basically, never ask your male friends for comments on the name you’ve chosen.

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The Pregnancy Lie
February 17, 2008

Angie enthusiastically complains about the pregnancy lie at every opportunity. There is a wide-reaching assertion that pop-culture has made that implies pregnancy is a wonderful, fulfilling time in a woman’s life.
Simply stated if is this: During pregnancy you will “glow” and feel wonderful.

It is a lie. The Pregnancy Lie.

The only thing that pop-culture is vaguely honest about is the morning sickness. This is probably because of the crass comic opportunities that vomiting women provide to the American film and television industry. Yet, even this admission of unpleasantness is an understatement at best, and deceptive at worst. The sickness isn’t confined to the morning. It’s a feature of pregnancy that is present 24/7 for the first trimester (and in Angie’s case, a little longer).

Pregnant women do glow, but it isn’t from an internal radiance of positivity. It has more to do with hormonal changes wreaking havoc with sweat glands and the extra blood that one’s body generates during this time. Extra blood means extra heat that needs to leave the body via the skin, and so that blood moves to the surface of the skin and radiates out the extra heat. More sweating is also necessary as a result, which leads to oilier. Oily skin is more reflective of light. Oh look, the pregnant woman is glowing! She must feel wonderful.
As Angie put it this morning, no-one would think you were feeling wonderful if you had a disease that caused your bowels to engorgeĀ  and expand, distending your stomach muscles as it progressed. They’d rush you to the hospital and maintain a concerned, worried disposition. Yet, being pregnant must feel great.

All of this stuff really has very little to do with me directly. They are things that Angie experiences, and although I may need to deal with her moodiness from time to time (which thankfully has been quite rare) these aren’t really things that should be part of Paternity Ward. At the risk of sounding insensitive, the pregnancy lie isn’t my problem.

There is one exception. The books say that during the second trimester, which is where we are at the moment, libido of the pregnant woman will return. The implication is that it will be vigorous enthusiastic return.
Lies, damn lies, and pregnancy lies!